The Case Against Ghosting
Imagine this scenario: You meet Person X on a dating site. You make the first move and end up hitting it off via text. You decide to meet in person. Things go well, but you’re not 100 percent into it. You decide to give it a few more tries just for kicks. After all, what else do you have going on? You go on another date. You even mess around a little. But, you just aren’t feeling it. You don’t initiate contact for a few days. Person X reaches out to you, but you just don’t feel like responding. You are over it. So, you simply never write back. No harm, no foul, right? Wrong.
The scenario above describes is what is known in the modern dating world as ghosting. And, it happens all the time. In fact, a New York City 30-something male described ghosting as “something that is understood these days.” He continued to say “I blocked my last girl’s number. It’s better than dragging it out.” This may not seem like a big deal, and at the end of the day, there are far worse things you could do in the grand scheme of things. But, that doesn’t mean you should ghost someone for no reason. Obviously, sometimes you need to cut the cord and non-communication is the only way to do it. But, those situations are few and far between.
The next time you want to ghost someone, put yourself in their shoes. For example, imagine this scenario: You meet Person Y on a dating site and you start messaging each other on a regular basis. You go on your first date. Things go pretty well. You’re not planning your wedding yet, but you genuinely feel a connection. From there, you and Person Y keep texting. You go a three more dates. You fool around a little, but never do the deed. A few days pass and you don’t hear from Person Y. You’ve sent a few messages, but nothing. Another few weeks go by and nothing but crickets. You have no idea what happened. Everything seemed to be going well, and out of nowhere, radio silence. No person could possibly feel good about that happening to them. So, don’t do it to others.
It should be noted that ghosting doesn’t always come from a place of selfishness. For instance, a twenty-something Los Angeles female said, “I ghosted so many guys over the years. I didn’t do it to be mean. I just didn’t to want to hurt their feelings by telling them I didn’t like them.” What she fails to realize is that not responding to someone’s messages probably hurts worse than a simple “Nothing against you, I just don’t feel a connection. Best of luck.”
If being nice isn’t reason enough for you to stop ghosting, think about your reputation. Plenty of people don’t have a connection after a few dates. Not having a connection with someone generally doesn’t change your overall opinion of them as a person. However, being ghosted by someone will very much change your opinion of them – and not in a positive way.
The moral of the story, don’t be that person that just disappears into dating oblivion. End things on a good note and don’t ghost.